Ladies and gentlemen, if I could have your attention, please! Today, we gather to celebrate a truly remarkable man—Brad!

First off, let’s give a round of applause for Brad, who has taken such great care of my sister. I’m genuinely thrilled that her taste in men has exceeded expectations! Now, as for your taste in women, well, let’s just say, she is my sister!

Brad, you have been the consummate host with the most. From summer BBQs to Christmas celebrations with the loud and boisterous Syran family, you are a trooper! I mean, surviving more than two hours with this family is a feat worthy of a medal!

As a father, grandfather, and yes, even a dog father—no, you heard that right, not godfather—you are truly remarkable. You’ve helped raise and mold my nieces into the incredible women they are today. If you hadn’t been there as a steady influence, I’m afraid they might have turned out like… well, what can I say, she is my sister!

Now, let’s talk about your good looks. That 80's porn star mustache? It’s taken some getting used to, but it fits you perfectly! And that super white smile? It matches… well, what can I say, she is my sister!

Now, as you prepare for your upcoming trip to Norway—whenever that may be—there are a few words I need you to remember. First, “Tusen takk,” which means thank you. (That’s TOOSEN TALK for those taking notes!) Then, “Hei, Hei,” which is hello (hi, hi). And don’t forget “Ha det,” which means goodbye (haadaa). Oh, and “Dritsek”—that’s a fun one! It means shithead. Just remember to roll your R's! Drit is like drip, only with a T, and sek is like sex, only with a K. You’ll fit right in!

Today, as you turn 70 years old, I must say, you don’t look a day over 50! Remember, 70 is the new 30—especially if you have that little blue pill handy!

Happy Birthday, Brad! I hope you enjoy your special day!